Participation in Healing

"We live a long time in order to become lovers. God is like a good parent, refusing to do our homework for us. We must learn through trial and error. We have to do our homework ourselves, the homework of suffering, desiring, winning and losing, hundreds of time." Richard Rohr

I hear the same statement repeatedly when I am in a season of fundraising, "I don't know how you do it. I could never raise my own support". While this statement is meant to be encouraging, it often lands in my heart with a thud. It confirms my own suspicions that this process is crazy, unnatural and impossible. 

The truth is that I fundraise with a large degree of shame. If I ask a family member to support, do they feel obligated? Do alums feel like I am asking them to pay back a debt they accrued during their student years? What if they had poor experiences? If I ask for increases, am I ungrateful?

Worst of all, I am currently raising money for a raise. 

Do I think I deserve more? Should ministry be a work of poverty? Why should Donan and I own a home? 

Shame, shame, shame. This process stirs up shame like nothing else. It is not unlike evangelism. In evangelism many wonder what they really have to offer. Why would someone want to follow Jesus when I'm so screwed up? 

Why does God call us to do things that reveal and stir up shame? Because He doesn't want us to be ashamed. 

In normal life, my shame masquerades as humility. I can walk around pretending that my feelings on inadequacy and anxiousness are fruits of a heart that knows that it need Jesus. FD asks me to, instead, tell people that my ministry is worth their investment. I have to say that what I do is important to God and should be important to them. 

Over and over again, day by day, I ask the same question:

"Would you enjoy partnering with me in reaching college students for Jesus?"

Some say "yes". Some say "no". While those responses are important (and keep the lights on), what is really important is that I ask. Everyday. 

In doing so I ask myself everyday, "is this really important?". And everyday I have to say "yes". Everyday I have to call my job important to God. I have to call myself important to God. 

I have lived with shame for far too long. I have tried to domesticate it. Train it. I have tried to teach shame to motivate me. I have tried to teach shame to make me more consistent in prayer, fasting, working out, sharing my faith, meeting with students, etc. 

The problem with shame though, is that is cannot be domesticated. It domesticates me. It makes me careful. Nuanced. Manipulative. Desperate. A false martyr. 

It never brings life. It cannot do what only God's grace and love does. 

So today, I am going to send emails and pick up the phone. I am going participate in the prescription that God has given me for shame healing. Maybe I'll raise some money. Maybe I won't. 

What I will do though, is I will affirm the value that God has placed on the inland northwest, on college students, on my family and on me. 

Partners vs. Donors

I really hate business speak.

Whenever I am asked to "re-brand" a structure or a title, I actively resist it. It all feels so disingenuous to me. Grunge was 70's rock, which was good, because rock was good in the 70's. I remember debating for hours with with my colleague Eli about why I should call my bible study a "small group". I felt like he was asking me to hide the intention of the group (he wasn't) and he thought it would make the group more appealing to outsiders (it didn't). We both built our trenches and dug in, because we both have a tendency to apply our passions to things that don't really matter. That's why Eli is one of my best friends. It's also why no one liked being in staff meetings with the both of us. Sorry Sarah.

But I digress.

A couple of years ago, I was asked to stop referring to people who donate to InterVarsity donors, but instead to call them "partners". Given the previous story, you can imagine how I responded. The shift honestly felt patronizing to me. "They donate to a ministry", I argued, "why is calling them donors wrong?". The response was the same as Eli's argument about small groups, a supporter of InterVarsity is much, much more than a donor.

I never changed my language. I kept asking for new money and increases and while these people were my friends, mentors, family members or former students, in fundraising, they were primarily donors. They donated to a cause that I was passionate about and they were (hopefully) growing in passion for.

And this was adequate. For a time.

In April of this year I accepted a promotion. I am now the Area Director for the Inland Northwest. While I have strong ideas and vision about the job, I am learning every day how little I actually know about how to do the job. In a strange way, this lack of knowledge about HOW to do the job, is crystallizing WHY I took the job. I took the job, because students are walking away from faith, never considering Jesus or settling for spiritual mediocrity at epidemic levels on college campuses. This clarity has made me very eager for the fall to come.

But before the fall, comes the summer. This summer has one unique challenge; I need to raise $27,000 more than I did last year. The bulk of that, needs to be raised this summer.

Suddenly, I am seeing my "donors" in a very new light. I have taken on a huge challenge; to see college students in the Inland Northwest engage with the Gospel and discover Jesus' Kingdom and love for them.

It's too much for me. Both the job and the fundraising. $27,000? 6500 new freshmen this fall? I lack the bank account and the qualifications for the job. I'm out. It's too much and I'm too small.

But the Lord has sent partners.

There is a church in the Tri-Cities that is providing 250 goodie bags to aid with freshmen outreach. How cool is that? WSU alums are increasing giving; and church members too! A student of mine is short on China donations...so people are giving to her. These are the same people who just increased donating to my budget. People are not just giving out of excess, but making sacrifices with me. It's crazy. They are not simply donors and many do not know me well enough to be friends. They are partners...they long to see the Kingdom come in the Inland Northwest along with me. It is powerful.

And people are praying.

They are praying with me (some every other week, late at night). They are praying for IV. They are sending me words they are receiving from the Lord. Those prayers, uttered in living rooms, church sanctuaries and coffee shops change everything. They provide so much of what me, John, Sarah, Nick, Erin, Donan, Tyler and Amanda are going to need this year. They will also aid student leaders, at-risk freshmen and atheists considering faith.

Basically, this stuff matters. The campus is a wonderful place, but it is not okay. It is struggling. People are walking away from life, truth, light and salvation. We all get to partner with a great and great big God.

I am just thankful that I have partners here on earth too.

Thank you.

Inspired by Summer Television

Expedition Impossible was not a TV show that I was that interested in watching when I first saw a preview for it. It looked like a simple Amazing Race knock-off. However, Sean (my brother) and Donan were excited about it, so I decided to check it out.

The basic idea of the show is teams of three compete in extreme challenges throughout Morocco. The challenges include riding camels, kayaking, whitewater rafting, hiking and a lot of rappelling. The teams included fishermen, cops, sisters, urbanites and wilderness guides. The team I ended up rooting for was "No Limits".

No Limits was a group of friends from Colorado. Jeff, is a Physicians Assistant, mountain guide and motivational speaker. Ike, a National Guardsman, and Erik a motivational speaker and author. Oh, and Erik is blind.

Look at that list of activities above. Erik rode camels, blind. He whitewater rafted, blind. He rappelled down mountains, blind. The most amazing moment of every show was watching some challenge that was difficult for sighted people to do being replicated by Erik.

Erik's participation (and excelling) in the competition was amazing. Being a big softy though, these shows are always about the relationships for me. Erik and Jeff have been climbing together for years. Jeff and Erik have climbed the highest peaks on all seven continents together. Jeff has to keep track of Erik in order to guide him. Erik has to trust Jeff. At one point during the show, Jeff and Erik jumped arm in arm off of a cliff into the waters below.

It was amazing to watch Jeff with Erik. Jeff never acted put out by Erik's disability. He was gracious and patient. One time he lost Erik and he was so apologetic, acknowledging that the spirit of competition overtook him. For his part, Erik acknowledged when activities were scary, though he stepped up and did them all (even the camels!).

What does this have to do with fundraising? I was struck while watching the show by the similarities between Jeff and Erik's relationship and my own relationship to Jesus and to students. Like Erik, I need to be led. When it comes to all aspects of my life, I need to someone to tell me "go left!", "watch out for the rocks" or "jump now"! Unlike Erik though, I either fail to acknowledge my need for help, or I see my need for help as a personal failure. Erik is fully relient on Jeff in his expedition, and I am fully reliant on Jesus in ministry, impending fatherhood and just generally living. When I listen to Jesus' voice, wait for His instruction and acknowledge I need his eyes, my life takes on a real rhythm. Fundraising sometimes feels like riding a camel, but doing that with a guide is better than blind and alone!

I also am privileged to function as Jeff in the lives of some amazing students. When I allow myself to be amazed by their growth, risk-taking and faithfulness, I can sit back and like Jeff, be amazed by what they are accomplishing. However, when I get caught up in the lures of success, fear and competitiveness I can run out by myself, ignoring those I have been called to care for and ignoring my own guide.

I realize it has been a long time between posts, probably because fundraising often feels like riding a crazy camel (while blind no less!). I am attempting to humble myself to allow Jesus to be my guide and to humble myself to be guide to students.

Inspired by students!

Guest post by Donan

One of our greatest resources as InterVarsity staff is our students. They constantly amaze and inspire us. On April 1st, we took 5 WSU students and 2 Idaho students to a leadership retreat in Walla Walla. Our hope for the retreat was for students to gain skills in inviting their peers into missional experiences out of scripture. We want studying scripture to not just be an intellectual exercise but an invitation into a deeper relationship with Jesus.

As part of our training, we had students break into small groups and then pairs to practice crafting these invitations for themselves. Each small group received a piece of scripture and then the small group broke into pairs. Each pair received a small group profile so they could craft the invitation from scripture to the needs of that group. Below are the ideas they came up with... praise God for these creative, innovative students!!

Passages of scripture (One for each small group)

Table #1~Good Samaritan~ Luke 10:25-37

Table #2~ Rich Young Ruler~ Mark 10:17-31

Table #3~ Four friends and paralytic~ Mark 2:1-12

Pairs (at each table)

#1: You co-lead a group of 5 freshmen who are from the same floor. They don’t know each other too well as this is only your 2nd week of small group. They all come from church background but you aren’t if they are committed to following Jesus or if they just went to church with their parents.

#2: You co-lead a group that have 5 non-Christians coming. Occasionally a Christian student or two drops in but for the past four weeks these 5 non-Christians have shown up consistently. You’re not sure what is interesting to them about Jesus but the conversations during scripture study are lively.

#3: You co-lead a study that has 3 juniors and 1 senior who come every week. You’ve known all 4 for as long as you’ve been attending InterVaristy events. They have been around awhile and attend events faithfully.

Ideas for invitations:

Table 1

Pair 1:

- Conversation: ask where have you experienced Samaritian love?

- Group application: find someone to serve in secret… report back next week

- Community application: find an agency to serve at

Pair 2:

- Do an act of kindness towards someone that you don’t like (usually don’t interact with)

- Take action in issue of injustice if it’s not your responsibility

- Brainstorm people you don’t like and pray for them

- Use your own resources to care for someone who needs it… go the extra step

Pair 3:

- engage and serve younger students

- as a group meet with the university president or community leader and ask who is the ignored population in that community. Share with fellowship and plan how to serve

- Find a campus group and join even if you wouldn’t normally associate with them

- If they live off campus: find ways to serve their literal neighbor

Table 2

Pair 1:

- Meet with a leader for discipleship time (What questions would you ask one-on-one?)

- “mini-lent”: give a specific thing up for a week

- Bake sale: give donations/proceeds to the poor (decide on specific groups)

- Volunteer somewhere together

- Putting on a community dinner for a section/wing/floor

Pair 2

- What keeps you from following Jesus? This week will you submit that to God and pray to remove that barriers?

- As the lead, give your group a sacrificially large amount of money and have them go use it for a good cause

Pair 3

- Challenge members to brainstorm practical, real-life applications to help those in need and utilitize your riches.

- Discover areas in their lives where they are ‘rich.’ Be imaginative in finding areas in which they have riches to offer (math tutor, rides, etc.)

- Communal applications of reaching out to the poor/destitute, finding ways to give up riches

Table 3

Pair 1

- What’s stopping you from ‘goring through the roof’ to Jesus? What would that look like in your section?

- Who might need to be carried to Jesus?

- What does it look like to have your sins forgiven?

Pair 2

- Do you have any friends who have faith? What does that look like?

- Who in the passage do you relate to?

- Who would you be willing to dig through a roof for?

- What lengths would you go to in order to help a friend?

Injury and Community

So you may or may not of heard...I broke my ankle.

I fell while I was delivering a newspaper. It was an icy morning and I simply lost my balance. I ended up having surgery later that morning and I now am the proud owner of a steel plate and seven screws in my ankle.

Being injured has a funny effect on your sense of worth. You are simply not able to do very much anymore. Getting a cup of coffee is as daunting as a two mile run was a week prior. A worldview that depends on "earning" your worth is quickly eradicated. Twelve hours a day of elevating your ankle is not conducive to productivity.

In the midst of the struggle though, I experienced the surprising beauty of community. People from my church brought Donan and I dinner for the first week. Cards came in daily. People gave us chocolate, money and an attention seeking stuffed tiger name Leonardo. WSU students came and brought me pop and candy.

I (like many people I know) am way more comfortable serving, than I am being served. I think that is why fundraising has been so difficult for me. How can I ask people to support a ministry in which others are being served? How is going to benefit the donor? Shouldn't I be doing something for the donor?

Being injured has reminded me that love and support doesn't work that way. Sometimes people are generous. Sometimes I need help. Sometimes I cannot support myself.

So thank you to those of you who support us. We are blessed in many ways...even when our bones are broken!

Job Provision

So, Donan and I are now gainfully employed in addition to our now (slightly limited) hours with InterVarsity.

I have taken a paper route. It is about 15 hours a week and in early in the morning. Thank God was the flexibility of my IV hours that allow me to get some sleep AFTER my route is done!

Donan accepted a job as a classroom aide for the local Head Start program. Donan works about 16 hours a week as well and this job allows her to get some valuable insight into childhood development, a passion that has been growing in her for years.

Please thank Jesus with me for this provision. Hopefully it will be possible for both of us to work full time with IV in the future, but for now this will allow us to still serve on campus 20-30 hours a week and serve Jesus at WSU.

Thank You!

Sorry it has been so long since I have written. The holidays meant some crazy travel for Donan and I.

I am on my way to campus soon, so I will keep this short...

In December, Donan and I received over $5500 in our staff account. To provide context, this is the largest month of support that we have received in 7 years of staff work (excluding an annual gift from a local church).

I am in awe of the support of God and the support of our friends and families.

For Donan and I to both serve Jesus and the students at WSU, this needs to become an average month, which still feels a little daunting. However, I am so much more full of hope than I was a month ago.

Thank you again for your radical partnership.

Jeremiah